I am never upset for the reason I think

Journal entry 5 May 2016

False self: I have a tight neck and headache. I’m stressed at work, feeling like I’m expected to do something big that I won’t be able to do and I’m going to look foolish. I want to be able to see this world as a great cosmic joke but I just can’t stop taking it seriously. Work is clearly an area where I am projecting a lot of attack thoughts. Why is that? “I am never upset for the reason I think” (lesson 5). It feels like a life or death situation, like if I do a bad, or even less than perfect, job it will be the end of my life. If I did a bad job I think I would be completely humiliated. I don’t want people thinking about me how I think about others who do a bad job. I attack them, therefore I feel guilty and believe they will attack me back – doing a perfect job is the only way to stay safe from their justified attacks.

True Self: I need to withdraw my judgement of how everyone works and the results of what they produce. “Love holds no grievances” (lesson 68). Everything is helpful – if someone does a ‘bad’ job (in the eyes of the world) it’s helpful in some way for everyone involved. It gives me an opportunity to forgive, to overlook; if I’m managing them it allows me to grow as a manager; it helps them to learn. We are only here to learn and heal, it actually doesn’t matter what quality of work we do. The work itself certainly doesn’t matter – it’s  rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic – totally pointless, this world’s going down. Ask myself, ‘how can I use this to learn and heal?’

Nothing bad is ever going to happen because the Holy Spirit has you, just turn everything over to him and watch it all get easy and go smoothly. Don’t put energy into understanding meaningless concepts – just allow the Holy Spirit to show you what they mean, to reinterpret them for you and provide you with answers and solutions.

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