Journal entry – 2 May 2016

“Sure of the ultimate interpretation of all things in time, no outcome already seen or yet to come can cause [the Teacher of God] fear.” M-4.VIII.1

My mind was quiet when I woke this morning – it felt wonderful. I’m reading, ‘The Power of Now’ and I feel like it’s having a very positive effect on me. I tried to read it shortly after it came out, around 2005. At the time I couldn’t read it, thinking it was shallow. It seemed stupid to tell people to live in the now when that was clearly impossible. Now I see that it actually is possible and that Eckhart Tolle is indeed, like David Hoffmeister, awake.

I’m so happy to have enlightened people in my world as it shows me that it is actually possible and I can do it too. I’m not reading anything other than spiritual books and all I want is to be immersed in waking up. I’m using work as a practice ground for awakening. I know it will fall away sooner or later so it’s not really bothering me. And when it scares me I use that as a lesson for awakening.

But, having said that, I now understand, thanks to Eckhart, that I not only have to drop my desire to achieve, to impress, to succeed etc. but I also have to drop the desire to wake up. It will keep me trapped in the future and so perpetuate the ego. I really do have to drop everything.[1] I have to drop the desire for a calm mind, to make things go the way I want them to, to have stillness and peace, to teach others, to be of service, to fix others, to create art, to make money, to have people like me, to fulfil my purpose/my function, to analyse and understand the past, to predict or plan for the future – EVERYTHING! Let’s see how that goes…

[1] The power of now, Eckhart Tolle, p. 31

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